womanness is a/an:

visual exploration
poetic investigation
personal essay
intimate practice
erotic expression
performance of self-authorship
visual-verbal love song1
pursuit of a new archetype
living metaphor
nocturnal poem2
archive of female overflow
a map of intuition


1Mann, Sally. Hold Still, Little Brown and Company, 2015, pp. 208. 2Paz, Octavio. “The Kingdoms of Pan.” Translated by Helen Lane. The Double Flame: Love and Eroticism, Harcourt, Inc., 1995, pp. 18.
BOOK I / hemispheres



CHAPTER 12: AN ANDROGYNE, THE MOON

All that is nature and all that is cosmic and all that is female-bodied teaches us that life itself cannot exist without the void. Nor creation of any kind. These are the blood messages. The burden of alchemy. Void we come and void we go and through voids we pass, ritualistically, privately, unseen-ly, as a bridge from one skin to the next.

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NEW, ARIES
          
dream cycles
Daybook
Woman in Armor I, 1938
disguise vs. unmasking







CHAPTER 11: NIGHT BLOOMING

At the height of summer’s heat I dreamt1 of the Queen of Bondage. Bondage/ing, I can’t remember which. The code of union2. I awoke with her image still fresh in my mind amidst the smoke of morning, the smoke of fireworks, the smoldering ashes of us. Shunga photos. Peaches and plums. She was all in black atop a throne adorned with wolves and hawks and blooming hothouse flowers.

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4 APR 2021
          
left-side vision
spring cleaning
early morning heat
mercury in aries





CHAPTER 10: EVERY EVERYTHING

There is not, nor shall there ever be, any possible way to describe the pressure of this everything, nor the riddle of its melody as it echoes still through my mind, nor the way the weight of that everything has changed over the years, from a source of rage to a site of magic. He said everything like a curse and I alchemized it into the ecstasy of infinite possibility.

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23 MAR 2021
           
pushing furniture
neroli & seawater
body paint
off the grid




CHAPTER 9: BLOOD MOON

Sometimes I don’t want to tell a story, I want only the revelations of chaos. Sometimes I don’t want to know what’s real and what’s invented, what is ocean waves and what is sunken shore. Sometimes I want the girl to become a serpent3 instead of a woman. Sometimes I want to let all time and place build upon one another like wood piled high for a bonfire and then dance around its flaming warmth.

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16 MAR 2021
           
collage novel
coffee in bed
the terror evoked
pale lilac




CHAPTER 8: AMOR FATI

Surrender as negative drift5. As blood messages6. As the strange ritualized grace of aikido7. Body metaphors. “It is why, I imagine, the Sumerian goddess Ereshkigal is the Queen of Hell and also the Mistress of Life, constantly portrayed in a position of giving birth.”8 It’s why her sister is Inanna with her back against the tree, the pleasures of her body birthing a dream of power.9

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9 MAR 2021

animal medicine
heavenly mother
strangers in the aisles
rage




CHAPTER 7: AT THE EAR OF WATER

By week’s end the hills of Los Angeles smell of jasmine, filthy and electric. I drip the syrup of tuberose into my bath and watch it melt across the surface. Desire is the witch’s prayer, she says and I laugh out loud through my meditative state, my prayer-trance. Desire is the witch’s form and it cares nothing for my restless mind.

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2 MAR 2021

open studio
the gift of
metaphorical veiling
The Empress









CHAPTER 6: AT REST

We all ravage our own wilderness unfeelingly. Is it enough to divest from this belief structure on my own? I’d like to think so but what of the established tide of the world that still beats against the shore of my beingness in the rhythmic wave of more, more, more

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16 FEB 2021

moonside
ocean drives
tarot as form
trying to find the words





CHAPTER 5: SHADOWPLAY

The instant my body split open again out poured all the darkness in equal measure to the light. Topside sight creates secret underworlds just as vast and fertile and complex. Leaves in my hair again. I find them later as I’m trying to wash a strange taste from my mouth. So many beings are alive within me simultaneously.

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9 FEB 2021

slide film
neon pink lights
new watercolors
wrapped in blankets




CHAPTER 4: SOFT TERRORS

What is the dance between reclaiming the self and allowing it to be consumed? “There is a powerful saying: Elle habla por en medio en las piernas, ‘She speaks from between her legs.’”3 I drove my soul a hundred miles into dry earth just to sit beneath the planets as they recrossed the signature of my birth.

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2 FEB 2021

the femme-enfant
her mother’s camera
tattoos on his hands
The Rolling Thunder Logbook





CHAPTER 3: DUALITY AND DREAMSPACE

A fluid domain. Anti-narrative. Flow and overflow, overflow and retreat. “Wherever there is abundance, it seems, it will be accompanied by the forces of ecstatic devouring.”4 I wrote: the soul in love and in question, and it remains in my mind unceasingly, an incomplete yet unbroken intention.

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26 JAN 2021

new ghosts
everyday mysticism
potting soil
Jung’s dreamwork





CHAPTER 2: QUEEN OF THE NIGHT

The safety of the known, the seen, the illusion of the visible world. To turn from the night was to turn too from cycles, waxing/waning, polarity, opposition, surrender, seduction. I couldn’t stand at the jaws of nightfall and let it consume me because I couldn’t yet recognize within that nothingness the intimate face of creation.

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19 JAN 2021

electric energy
underworlds
topside magic
the living metaphors of home





CHAPTER 1: TRANCE-MISSION

Long hair, blood drips, empty beds, dark skies, the written word, the spoken word, birdsong, my song, plants sprouting new roots, new growth, my body in prayer, in motion, in meditation, in devotion, in depravity, in desire, breath, blues, technology, dirt, his gasp of pleasure, the light through my camera. All of it, strange magic.

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12 JAN 2021

winter bodies
pink skies
female privacy as magic
solitude as strange power